Friends and Family-
During this difficult time I find myself reflecting on my life. My mind is automatically drawn to one of the best times of my life: senior year at Wesleyan. God was so good to me. It was then that I developed a personal relationship with Jesus Christ that was important to me above and beyond anything else. I was so young and excited for what God had in store for me. There were scores of people in my life that loved and counseled me in the Lord. Friends like Caiti Troyer and Catherine Norman, teachers like Amy Harper (Barrett), Andrea Shupert, Heidi Lloyd, coaches like Jan Azar, Ted Russell, and Lacy Gilbert, Mr. Khedouri as our dean, and of course Michael Hutts as my best friend and companion. We always had people looking out for us whether it was at school or at ours and each others houses. I remember how happy I was on the day we received letters on my mission trip because I got so many from people I didn't expect. I think my favorite was from Coach Shaheen. I say all this to thank you all for being such a critical part of my character development. I am so saddened by the horrific loss as Michael as a person. I am sad that a family is missing out on the incredible dad he would have been. I am sad that players are missing out on the type of coach he would have been. I am sad Matt is missing a loving big brother and that Mr/Mrs Hutts cannot call their son or joke and laugh with him. I am selfishly miserable for myself that I can't check his pitching stats or call him on his birthday. In all of this sadness, however, I have not once been angry at or doubted the Lord our God, and that is credit to you all who have played this role in my life and have allowed me to build my foundation on the Rock. "No power of hell no scheme of man can ever pluck me from His hand. Till he returns, or calls me home, here in the love of Christ I stand."
I have included a few excerpts from notes that Michael wrote to me, the first obviously being a prayer. I know I got a lot of the credit when I was in high school but Michael was my secret strength. Ironically I even credit him for the development of my faith after we broke up because it forced me to confide in the Lord. "In his heart a man plans his course but the Lord determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)
"Dear Lord,
Thank you for this day and the wonderful life you have blessed me with. I pray that I may become more like you and people begin to see you through me. I'm scared about college and I know that the only way I will make it is with you. Please remain in my life with a hold on my heart until I truly understand you and truly understand the person that I will become."
-Michael late July 2005
"I have and will continue to change. I want to change and I know it will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I ask for your patience and guidance. I am also going to hold you accountable for everything I can, not because you asked, but because I want to. Keeping and aiding each other in our faith will only make our friendship a stronger more healthy one and I KNOW WE CAN DO IT!"
--Some time during senior year
I firmly believe that once God has His hands on you and you have experienced His goodness, He is not going to let go. Michael had tasted and knew that the Lord was good. He came home from our senior trip in Colorado pumped up about God and ready to "put on the full armor of God" against the sin of the world. He may have strayed but he still knew that goodness and righteousness of the Lord.
